Funny jokes

Rat and the astrologer

ajitpalsingh10 — Tue, 17 Feb 2009 19:17:58 +0000

A rat calls an astrologer asks about his future.
The astrologer replies that he can meet the lady of his dreams.
Excited rat asks when? Oh please reply when!! Astrologer says “Let me think.Oh! I think I got it.You can meet her next semester in the biology lab.”

Race horse

ajitpalsingh10 — Tue, 17 Feb 2009 19:03:56 +0000

Three race horse were boasting one day

First one said”I have won 20 races out of 30″
Second one said”That’s nothing!!! ,I have won 25 out of 30″
Third one said”Both of you are losers.I have won 28 out of 30″

A dog who was listening to the conversation said that it was nothing and he had won all 30 races he raced in.
This surprised all the 3 horses

First one said that the dog was amazing.
Second horse said that this dog can be easily sold for a million $.
Third one said “Yes,he can talk.”

Depressed husband

ajitpalsingh10 — Fri, 13 Feb 2009 22:05:08 +0000

A man and a lady were married for 20 years.The husband was very depressed and nothing in the world was able to excite him.He just kept drinking beer all day long.His wife
was very upset.She wanted to improve his condition as she dearly loved him.She wanted to end his boredom.

One day she went to a shop where she saw a woodpecker.The shopkeeper saw the lady and he got to know she was interested in buying it.He said it is a lovely woodpecker
which is damn intelligent.She asked how.

The shopkeeper said to the woodpecker “Woodpecker! The shelf”
At once the woodpecker broke the shelf into small pieces.

Then the shopkeeper said “Woodpecker! The table”
Again the table was torn into small pieces.

The wife was excited and thought that it would excite her husband.She bought the woodpecker and took it home.

At reaching home she told her husband “Look,what I have for you.”
Husband said”What?”
She said it’s a woodpecker.
The husband said”Woodpecker!!! ,My foot”.

The Blonde and a parachute

ajitpalsingh10 — Fri, 13 Feb 2009 15:34:33 +0000

A blonde was attending a class of parachute juming. the instructor told them to start preparing for landing at 300 feet.

Blonde : How I’d I get to know that I’m at 300 feet.

Instructor : When you start recognising people.

Blonde : What if I don’t recognise anyone there?

Pizza and its pieces

ajitpalsingh10 — Fri, 13 Feb 2009 14:57:40 +0000

A blonde ordered a pizza. The assistant when asked her if she wanted her pizza in 6 or 12 pieces.

The blonde replied “in 6 pieces. I had have never been able to eat 12 pieces.”

The Devil And The Lawyer

ajitpalsingh10 — Fri, 13 Feb 2009 14:15:04 +0000

The devil comes to the Lawyer and says : I ll give you a brand new car, a new house and 10 million dollors and in return I want the soul of your wife.
Lawyer : Oh c’mon!! Tell me what’s the catch?

Charity begins at home

ajitpalsingh10 — Tue, 30 Dec 2008 18:30:45 +0000

A charitable trust called the most successful lawyer of the town to persuade him to give some money to the charity.

The trustee had to persuade the lawyer to pay some money to the charitable trust.Their conversation was as follows:-

Trustee: It has come to my notice that you have a yearly income of atleast 600,000$ and still you have not contributed a penny to the charity.

Lawyer: (After thinking for a minute)Do you know that my mother has cancer and her annual bill is much more than her annual income.

Trustee:I am sorry! But …

The lawyer interupts

Lawyer:And do you know that my brother has lost both his legs and has been shifted to a wheelchair.

Trustee:I am…

Lawyer: (Interupting again)And do you know that my sister’s husband died in a car accident and she is alone with three children and does not have a penny to live with.

Trustee:I am really sorry.In that case…

Lawyer: (Interupting again)I didn’t give a penny to them then why should I give it to your trust.